I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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