remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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