Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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