His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize