Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize