"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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