i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize