When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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