dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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