just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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