She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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