We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize