i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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