guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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