I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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