If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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