One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
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Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
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SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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