What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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