I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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