i just wanna soil my oats bro
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
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Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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