sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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