You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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