my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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