i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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