Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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