I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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