Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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