Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish my penis had an off switch
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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