wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize