dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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