People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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