I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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