Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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