dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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