I molested 6 butterflies tonight
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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