I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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