Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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