there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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