I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize