Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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