If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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