Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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