I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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