How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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