Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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