you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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