were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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