i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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