quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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