If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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